Every so often a song and dance hits takes the general public by storm..By nature am resistant to most popular music and dances. I know they won't last anyway. There are a few that will leave an indelible mark on your psyche that cannot be taken away no matter how much therapy you have.
Let's take a look at the ones that really chapped my butt...
Number 10 - Tootsee Roll - 69 Boyz
I had a different mindset when this one hit. I didn't mind the actual song so much. It was seeing the video that re-enforced my hatred for songs with dance instruction. No, I couldn't understand all the lyrics either. Many of my friends at the time loved it. This was from the guys who brought you "Whoomp! (There It Is)" and is equally as stupid.
Number 9 - The Macarena - Los del Rio
When you mother does this dance you know it's a lost cause.
Number 8 -The Train (C'mon N' Ride It) - Quad City DJ's
The spaceship in the video is a large phallic symbol and I am pretty sure there is a hidden sexual message in it. Enough said. I don't think I want to ride that train.
Number 7 -Gangnam Style - Psy
At 2 BILLION Views on YouTube you can say it caught on but the dance isn't much. However, the only good thing that came from this video is that it introduced me to a Korean redhead that I drooled over. Still overly sexual though and the music video really has no point.
Number 6 - Locomotion - Kylie Minogue
Okay, I fell in love with Kylie and I enjoyed her SINGING. When I started seeing people I knew doing the dance I kind of figured that this whole project was a studio creation considering it is a remake of Little Eva's original version. Kylie recently performed the song on "Dancing With The Stars" and I have to admit she still hot, just not hot enough to get me to dance.
Number 5 - Time Warp - Rocky Horror Picture Show
If there is any movie that will make me puke with disgust this is it. I hate it, revile the whole premise, and question the mental faculties of anyone who enjoys this so-called "cult classic." For the record, Tim Burton does NOT look good in drag.
Number 4 - The Chicken Dance
At a Than Merrill sponsored event in Huntsville, the speaker had informed us that if anyone's phone went off aloud they would have to publicly do this God-awful mockery of poultry on stage that makes scraping bird droppings off your window a pleasant task. No thanks. Chickens are for eating and not dancing.
Number 3 - Cupid Shuffle - Cupid
I hate anything that catches on as a fad especially dances. I could have let this one go. The totally weird feeling I got watching a couple of family members do this one ran it almost to the top of my list. The whole song is dance instruction and proves my point about people liking to be told what to do. And who calls themselves Cupid anyway and creates a dance? I'm glad it didn't last long.
Number 2 - Boot Scootin' Boogie - Brooks And Dunn
I wasn't going to leave country music alone. Country line dancing (and I mean any country line dance) reminds me of robots that you pre-program in order to create an order to your routine. Many of you who participate in this particular activity really do look like robots. While working in the kitchen at Lone Star Steak House in Jackson, TN the staff would regularly participate in this robotic dance craze and they would try to get me to participate. I learned that all the servers had to do it and kitchen staff was optional. I'm glad Lone Star in Jackson got replaced by Cheddar's.
And Finally...
The Number 1 All-Time Chap-My-Butt Dance Is...
The Electric Slide (Electric Boogie) - Marcia Griffiths
In 1998 I was hanging out in a bar just outside of Knoxville, TN with a woman I was dating and someone open this tune on the jukebox and 75 percent of the patrons got up off their butts and slid electrically. No, I wasn't impressed; I was horrified. I was horrified at the fact that in that moment time stood still for a few minutes so that the aging middle-age crowd could relive a part of their youth. To this day I hear the Electric Slide and cringe. If you enter a bar and it comes on just pay your tab and leave. You don't need that kind of electric nonsense in your life.
An Now Real Dancing Everybody Can Enjoy...
FLAMENCO!!!
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