Eating Pie

   Some days it's just hard to focus on the hopes, the dreams, and all the good things that keep you motivated to strive for something better in your own life. It's not always easy hearing how professionally dressed people walked out on paying their restaurant tab from my fiance, or the old ladies who can only afford propane one month at a time. This might be hard to hear, but if anyone stops trying then the battle is truly lost.
   While wandering on Facebook I found this quote, "Everybody says that they're trying to get their piece of the pie. They don't realize that the world is a kitchen. They can make their own pie." -Terry Crews. This completely displays original American optimism, that if we ever lose our creative motivation then we will stop making our own pie. I like my pie and I like to eat it too, but it also means I have to get up off my rear and make my own pie everyday.
   We currently live in a world where we are told that 40% of the American population supports 60% of the population. This could also be an indicator of how many people have lost hope, stopped trying, stopped creating, stopped looking, stopped making pie in the own kitchens figuratively speaking. Don't know about you, but I get up when it is dark out and go to bed when it is dark out and work a full day in-between, that is a lot of humble pie. Time to start cooking America, if you don't cook you don't eat.

Cheatin' Like In A Country Song

     "Well how do I know, I'm not there with you," this is a common complaint among women today and a few men. People are never sure of what their beloved, other half, girlfriend, boyfriend, lover, or romantic acquaintance is doing behind or in front of their backs. There is a more common story about the guy who went to war and came back to a girl who is no longer his fiance but had married someone else. This theme was popular in 1920's movies, now it seems to be much more fashionable to go on Craigslist and make new friends who all believe in time that they are each your fiance or romantic attachment. This is true for guys and girls, but it is not any less shameful when a person needs their friends to become their own private investigators so when your fiance gets tired of you and doesn't have the guts to break up with you before they go and find new fiances to string along.

   As much as I would like to require that every human being wear an ankle tracking device, this will not solve the problem of 'cheatin' achy-breaky hearts while all my exes live in Texas'. How can real relationships be formed if the sneaky people won't stop treating the hopeful people like chew toys because they are bored? Or is any relationship really safe if one person is always suspicious without reason and the other person works like a dog trying to be transparent and honest, and the suspicious one is usually the guilty one who is running around all over town. 

   This is usually the point on Dr. Phil, Oprah, or Jerry Springer where each side starts yelling and pointing fingers at the other while blasting profanity, accusations, and a lot of whiny crying. Each side is so perfect in their kind of wrong that the watcher stops caring who is right or wrong because truth is only in the eye of the beholder. It's kind of funny that's it's only after you start 'seeing someone' that they think that they have to hold you accountable of where you have been, who you talk to, and fact checking all of your stories while checking your cell phone. Then if you can still tolerate this juvenile behavior they start the same censorship of your credit cards, bills, and paycheck. What trust is there in that? Why all of this guilt-induced nagging? Bad behaviors are a sign of bad habits, and these should be fixed. 

   You meet someone, they want to get really personal really fast, as if it is their life's goal to own you, I think people call this being wanted. Then you get drugged on the feeling of being wanted and ignore all the other crazy manipulative crap that goes on because you are wanted....I mean owned by another person. Usually the owning type is a life time collector of other people's lonely hearts, then the relationship gets even more personal and emotionally abusive with your credit card history thrown in. This is no better than a self inflicted cycle of abuse, and you were conned by a soul collector who saw you coming a mile away. 

   A long time acquaintance of mine had a son who was a civilian special ops contractor, he found a sweet girl, then he was shipped out to Afghanistan for six months. When he got back, his fiance had a different fiance and two other boyfriends that she had found online. This poor boy thought love was somewhere in the equation of his life, instead he was conned by a soul collector with a pretty face and body. Then there was my own ex-wife who constantly claimed she couldn't prove I wasn't cheating because she was not with me 24 hours a day, and in the end I found out that she was the one sleeping with anything that would move while I driving the truck across country. This was not true love, because true love does not hurt others on purpose. There is that part of your soul that wants to feel something other than the freedom of the open road, and even if it's hurtful and negative always seems better than feeling nothing at all. Be smarter than this.

     Stay in school, do your home work, so when your friends find things out of where your sweet heart has been, the conversation will never bring up Craigslist.

No Rest For The Self Inflicted

     It is commonly understood that if you are tired then you should sleep. Yet even from a young we constantly fight the urge to stop, lay down, rest, then fall into actual sleep. Mother's across America will tell you, "He/she didn't have their nap today and they woke up at 4 o'clock in the morning, they're just tired. That's why they look miserable and are crying on and off uncontrollably," as you look at the mother who wants to act the same way her child is from her own sleep loss.
     Then you have the hard working adult who 'just wants one more minute' they tell themselves, for those few extra miles, for that last finishing touch on a craft project, for that last part of a TV program, for whatever those last few moments are for to stop us from letting go and getting the much needed rest.
     Many truck drivers have been know to drive illegally for 20 hours straight, this means that they are willing to ignore the laws that protect their sleep and safety. The same can be said for crafters and mothers a like who are finishing Christmas pageant costumes, cupcakes for a class bake sale, and any general illness that claims to only last for '24 hours' per family member. These are some of the simple things that we do or can't avoid to post pone sleep for the self inflicted.
     We live in a culture that is so sleep deprived with Starbucks, Dunkin Donuts, and Seven 11's that real rest is no longer valued. It's really hard to give a damn when you are too tired to smell the roses, and coffee really can burn out your taste buds so a steak will never taste the same again. What else are you willing to miss out on because so many pieces of yourself are too tired to enjoy them from your self inflicted lack of rest?
     We have become a culture of sleep apnea and obsession with instant gratification and ignoring our personal needs. Ever make a list of all the things you are too tired to do? This does not include joining a gym, going for daily walks, or eating healthier. This means doing things with other people, going places to be with other humans, and screwing your better half every night. They say that the evidence is in the details, and screwing is such an interesting detail to have in your life. Now get back on your treadmill, you need just one more minute on that computer, just one more minute with your hot glue gun, just one more minute......Zzzzzzzz

Go Big or Go Home

 

     There are days when I need to be reminded of who I really am, almost like a self pep talk into feeling a foundation under my feet and washing my spirit with that memorable hope that has been erased by the distractions of life. My job is very demanding, like anyone else I love it because they treat me well, but there are days when I put my head down and launch into a memorized cycle of no return. It is when my heart is stuck in a place of not finding it's happiness, while my head and body are out making money to please my boss. In this instance my heart is not my boss, instead it is a guy I will call Phil, my soul is a comma patient, and brain is on a mission for Fair Trade Propane.

   This is not a rant or rave against Fair Trade Propane or Phil, like I said I appreciate my job because they treat me so well and I show them my gratitude regularly. However, like any other hard working American who works at least ten hours or more a day every day, there is a tendency to forget that once upon a time you had goals and dreams that were not work related. You forget about wanting to have hobbies, you forget about being interested in other subjects that will let you learn about non-job related things, you forget about what you were and who you really are.

   After meeting my red head and starting to have something similar to a social life, her response to so many things was 'go big or go home'. At first it was funny, at the Chinese Buffet I was challenged to get that 5th plate of food, her response to this dilemma was 'go big or go home' so I got the extra plate. Then as we started to talk about business plans, the stock market, marketing strategies, and ideas that would take a lot of long term planning and extra hours at home that my job does not allow for; her response was 'go big or go home'. This was a challenge that I was really starting to take to heart. 

   What was something I felt big about and wasn't all talk and no action. My job would not always be this busy, I would be able to slow down in three more months if I was hopeful and patient. But what things was I willing to call my own again that I was willing to fight for and keep in my life? What things did I feel that I should go big with or leave at home for a future review. I know that I am your friendly neighborhood propane delivery man, but what else am I? I needed to know that my beer gut was not the only big thing in my life that would stick around for a while that was serious part of me, there had to be more to me than a smile and a beer gut. 

   Then the red head explained to me why she always used the slogan that she did, "Well a long time ago it made sense that 'going big' meant showing love to world in ways it did not understand. Or being the bigger person was not a size thing but a 'not make the world a worse place' thing. So when she used her usual expression, she simply meant that by 'going big' you improve the world and don't let hurt you or itself. What she meant by 'or go home', this is when you recharge your batteries to fight another day and the devil can't win. 

   "Those with the biggest hearts always go big because they don't limit their capacity to love....then you get a different version of the energizer bunny," then the red head told me that size of my heart was one of the reasons she knows that she can emotionally connect with me, I am a fixer-upper, but I am her fixer-upper and that we really need to go home because she can't eat any more at the Chinese Buffet. Her pants don't fit any more so it is time to leave. I quickly find myself again and ask for the check....since I know what dessert is.