Your Support Is Appreciated... But Not Needed...

There are articles both for and against the trucking industry, but no matter how you slice it everything you touch had a truck involved in the process somewhere.  If you like trucks then you understand how vital the trucking sector is to you.  If you've ever been in manufacturing then you know that raw materials have to be shipped in and finished goods have to be shipped out.  It would be nice if we could cycle them out on the same truck but it doesn't always work out that way.

If you hate the trucking business then you can go screw yourselves because I dare you to find a better way to do things.  This especially applies to rail advocates (to whom I personally have no beef with) who have every reason to advocate reducing truck tonnage because it is supposedly safer to ship by rail. (See this video if you really think it's safer.)  Truth is that no matter how you slice it, whether it be trucking or rail, a disaster is always something of epic proportions. Those who shout a tirade against trucking are short on answers when it comes to what to do about it.

As much as I hate the haters' anti-truck rhetoric, the pro-driver support is just as annoying to me. Honestly, I can't tell if you really support us or if some of you are just trying to sound good to yourselves. Pardon my cynicism but it's gettin real old real fast.  I know I put  lot of trucker related stuff on my Facebook page but it's old news.  I've been hearing the comments on both sides since I was little.

If you really want to support the industry be safe and give us room to do what we're paid to do.

For the rail advocates... Check out this video...

Consider The Frustrated Truck Driver

I think the above picture says it all.  Surely there's no way we were born to exist in an environment that just pays us to be there and ask no questions and have no room to grow.  Here's the problem I have with all this anyway within the trucking world.  This should explain why many people leave the industry and are now leaving the industry at an alarming rate.

1.) Getting paid well.

Most truck drivers do not feel as if they are getting paid well.  While most of us do better than the median incomes of most every other occupation the expense of living out on the road can pile up quickly if you don't know how to survive on Top Ramen or have a fridge in the truck.

2.) No one gets mentored hardly at all.

It's been my experience that many of us within and outside of the industry do not even try to mentor those who have less time an experience in the field.  Those who do train are often in it for the money and have no other interest than capitalizing on a newbie's work ethic to get the job done.  Very few people indeed care about developing someone as a top-notch truck driver.  Given the fact that most newbie truck drivers don't last after their first year then the incentive to develop people becomes very low.

3.) Being challenged but in the wrong way.

Instead of challenges that help develop skill, character, work ethic or just all around contribute to a positive educational experience in the trucking world most drivers face challenges that force them to watch their back.  This can come in a form of behind-the-back policy changes at the home office, intentional hindrances to driving, interference with job duties and harassment by management, customers and law enforcement.  You can't hinder a driver and expect him to succeed.

4.) There is virtually no chance of promotion.

Let's face it, for most drivers this is as good as it's going to get unless the driver gets his own authority and buys his own trucks.  Even if one was to land a safety or dispatch position then this will definitely come with a cut in pay (see #1) and a lot of disrespect from fellow drivers.  If you happen to be one of the drivers that performs well you can expect to see the a lot more of the truck and less time at home.  No one in that office hardly can do what you do.

5.) Drivers aren't involved as much as you would think.

The real experts on the business on the ground level are the drivers and they can tell you more often than not how something should be fixed. Does this happen?  Often times not.  Some government bureaucrat or insurance executive usually steps into an advisory role to help shape policies which tell us how to do our job even though none of these people can actually do it or even want to do it. The drivers often don't have a voice because they gone away to do the job.

6.) Many drivers do not feel appreciated in the slightest.

Truck driving is a thankless job.  You deliver on time and it's business as usual, Whatever. Deliver late and catch the Wrath of God, as if you had control over the fact the state of Wyoming closed I-80 or not.  You couldn't help it you were 3 miles behind a 42 car pileup. All the customers want is their freight.

7.) Drivers are not valued as assets.

I don't hear it much anymore but the commonplace view of the driver is that truck drivers are a dime a dozen.  You can be replaced and most trucking companies know that for every driver that quits there are 5 more ready for orientation.  This is a much the drivers' fault as it is the industry's fault.  However if more trucking companies places a value and communicated that value to the driver maybe you'd have more drivers stick around.  Pay for the drivers also plays into that equation (again see #1.)

8.) Many truck drivers do not see themselves as being on a mission.

Most drivers view their job as something to do.  They aren't aware of the importance the role plays.  They are not encouraged to take it seriously enough to view it as a mission.  I state it to new drivers like this, if you're hauling parts for Ford and you're late do you really want to be responsible for a potential assembly line shutdown?  Most drivers get it.  Everyone is counting on their freight and each piece delivered plays a part.  Trucking companies should take more time to point this out.

9.) Many drivers are not empowered to do their jobs.

Empowering a driver can start with nothing more than encouraging words and a positive message that what drivers do is extremely important.  Sometimes everybody has to be reminded of that.

10.) Every driver in his career will know that trust is an issue amongst drivers.

I heard a safety man once say that no driver can be trusted and that's why his job exists.  Over and over there are drivers who call in to report something or update dispatch only to be met with disbelief.  It hinders the communication channels to the point that no one want to talk to anyone anymore.  If you're treated as a pariah then why would you want to try to communicate?

I hope this enlightens everyone on what we as drivers have to deal with.  Hopefully in due time things will get better.

Further reading... Top 10 Reasons Drivers Leave

"I Want To Drive The Cool Truck"

Dear Young Trucking Fanatic,

Oh... so you want to drive the 'Cool' truck?

You told me you want to 'sit up high' and 'look cool going down the road' among other nonsense that tells me nothing about why you think you can contribute to that sector of the American economy.

At first when your dad came to me and said you had an interest in driving professionally I scoffed and asked why and maybe you should consider another career.  I said that because most of the successful drivers I have met have tried other careers before coming to trucking.  There aren't many life-long truckers that I know personally who got started early in life and stayed until retirement. Thousands of drivers who did other things before obtaining a CDL including but not limited to:

1.) Fast food worker
2.) Barber
3.) Warehouse worker (maybe because they got tired of truckers bragging about the money)
4.) Accountant (he needed a change)

And...

5.) Attorney (He saved and bought a truck outright and lived his dream for once)

Of these people that I know, they all brought a work ethic with them that persists to this day and that what makes them successful.

SO WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU CAN DO IT?

You've already had two jobs you got fired from for poor performance and I remember the first job you acquired. All you did was complain.  Then you got smart with the manager.  I know working in the dining room of a busy restaurant is tough because I did it at one time. But you were hired for that job for that task and that's all you had to do. You could have tried harder and did your job better.  Complaining gets you nowhere.

You really messed up on your second job at the towing company.  I thought this was a good way to get exposure to the towing business because you could have learned a lot but you couldn't even trim hedges or mow grass for the boss when he asked you to.  You didn't have to sneak off and ride with a driver to fulfill your childish fantasies.

Now that you're at the grocery store you know what to do to keep your job.  Quit complaining about the old people that shpo ther.  They are part of the customer base and need to eat.  You have an obligation to your customers and to take care of them. It gets busy on the weekends and that is when most people buy groceries.  Get over it.  And most of all, don't get fired for something stupid.

And if you think it's tough now, you have no idea what you're in for.  Since you complain about your shift at the grocery store here are a few things to consider...

1.) You are in for some really long hours, no 9 to 5 work here.
2.) The money you make and the money you spend out there are going to conflict with each other if you aren't watching.
3.) You are going to see the world as you pass it by on the highway; there will be no time for stopping.
4.) Most of the general public really hates truck drivers.
5.) You are going to be another target for law enforcement.
6.) You are going to be away from home a lot more than bargained.

I could go on but then this post would become a novel.

And as far as you driving the 'cool' truck.  You might not get lucky enough to drive the Pete with the big stacks.  You will, however, drive a truck that nobody wants until you can get a newer truck nobody wants until you can get another newer truck nobody wants so that the company can save money by not buying Peterbilts and chrome.  Do you really think anyone wants to give a rookie the keys to a brand new $175,000 truck without ensuring he has enough experience to drive it or do you think you feel entitled. You aren't going to get the Pete until you can manhandle a Cascadia first.

It took 15 years of trying to get the job I have now and I am insulted that you think it's going to be easy. So on behalf of all of the truckers who are laughing at you right now, I say good luck and let me know how that works out for you.

Top Ten Dances And Their Associated Songs That Annoy The Crap Out Of Me And That Prove Most People Are Sheep

Every so often a song and dance hits takes the general public by storm..By nature  am resistant to most popular music and dances.  I know they won't last anyway.  There are a few that will leave an indelible mark on your psyche that cannot be taken away no matter how much therapy you have. 

Let's take a look at the ones that really chapped my butt...

Number 10 - Tootsee Roll - 69 Boyz

I had a different mindset when this one hit.  I didn't mind the actual song so much. It was seeing the video that re-enforced my hatred for songs with dance instruction.  No, I couldn't understand all the lyrics either.  Many of my friends at the time loved it.  This was from the guys who brought you "Whoomp! (There It Is)" and is equally as stupid.

Number 9 - The Macarena - Los del Rio

When you mother does this dance you know it's a lost cause.

Number 8 -The Train (C'mon N' Ride It) - Quad City DJ's

The spaceship in the video is a large phallic symbol and I am pretty sure there is a hidden sexual message in it. Enough said. I don't think I want to ride that train.

Number 7 -Gangnam Style - Psy

At 2 BILLION Views on YouTube you can say it caught on but the dance isn't much.  However, the only good thing that came from this video is that it introduced me to a Korean redhead that I drooled over.  Still overly sexual though and the music video really has no point.

Number 6 - Locomotion - Kylie Minogue

Okay, I fell in love with Kylie and I enjoyed her SINGING.  When I started seeing people I knew doing the dance I kind of figured that this whole project was a studio creation considering it is a remake of Little Eva's original version. Kylie recently performed the song on "Dancing With The Stars" and I have to admit she still hot, just not hot enough to get me to dance.

Number 5 - Time Warp - Rocky Horror Picture Show

If there is any movie that will make me puke with disgust this is it.  I hate it, revile the whole premise, and question the mental faculties of anyone who enjoys this so-called "cult classic."  For the record, Tim Burton does NOT look good in drag.

Number 4 - The Chicken Dance

At a Than Merrill sponsored event in Huntsville, the speaker had informed us that if anyone's phone went off aloud they would have to publicly do this God-awful mockery of poultry on stage that makes scraping bird droppings off your window a pleasant task.  No thanks. Chickens are for eating and not dancing.

 

Number 3 - Cupid Shuffle - Cupid

I hate anything that catches on as a fad especially dances. I could have let this one go. The totally weird feeling I got watching a couple of family members do this one ran it almost to the top of my list. The whole song is dance instruction and proves my point about people liking to be told what to do. And who calls themselves Cupid anyway and creates a dance?  I'm glad it didn't last long. 

Number 2 - Boot Scootin' Boogie - Brooks And Dunn

I wasn't going to leave country music alone.  Country line dancing (and I mean any country line dance) reminds me of robots that you pre-program in order to create an order to your routine.  Many of you who participate in this particular activity really do look like robots. While working in the kitchen at Lone Star Steak House in Jackson, TN the staff would regularly participate in this robotic dance craze and they would try to get me to participate.  I learned that all the servers had to do it and kitchen staff was optional.  I'm glad Lone Star in Jackson got replaced by Cheddar's.

And Finally...

The Number 1 All-Time Chap-My-Butt Dance Is...

The Electric Slide (Electric Boogie) - Marcia Griffiths

In 1998 I was hanging out in a bar just outside of Knoxville, TN with a woman I was dating and someone open this tune on the jukebox and 75 percent of the patrons got up off their butts and slid electrically. No, I wasn't impressed; I was horrified.  I was horrified at the fact that in that moment time stood still for a few minutes so that the aging middle-age crowd could relive a part of their youth.  To this day I hear the Electric Slide and cringe.  If you enter a bar and it comes on just pay your tab and leave.  You don't need that kind of electric nonsense in your life.

An Now Real Dancing Everybody Can Enjoy...

FLAMENCO!!!

Not Making Enough At Your Present Job? Can't Get Enough People to Give You Money?

I'm going to rant... You've been warned.

Baby Mama Drama

Sometimes people amaze me.  I was talking with my good friend from Alabama, Tim, and he was telling me about the frivolous spending of his baby's mama.  (I do not want to get into why they are no together but money is a big issue with him.) She and her whole family are going to caravan to Gulf Shores, AL from Huntsville, AL. More than likely this trip will be financed by a credit card which will be justified by payments and high interest paid over time. They have tried to talk Tim into going but after the last New Orleans fiasco, he didn't want to pay the whole bill.

The only thing this makes this worse is that the family tries to hold over his head visitation and other activities with the daughter he has with this afore-mentioned woman.  I don't blame him for not going and choosing to save his money for his daughter's benefit down the road.

She bought a new air conditioner upon one breaking down.  I can't really blame her for doing so but it was a problem that was could have been fixed for $200 and not financed for $4500 plus interest.  In the interest of air conditioning though, even though all systems need to be replaced eventually, if I can replace a motor for less than $200 it is worth time to have a professional take a second look.

This same woman who wanted to marry Tim at one time also wanted him to buy a $300k house and two $50k vehicles on a trucker's salary (if you can call it that) so that she "could have the best for her daughter."   Tim lives in a well-conditioned and affordable $80k house that would be perfect for his daughter should she actually stay there from time to time.

Let me also mention that Tim gives this same woman $500 a month (voluntarily and not court-ordered) only for her to give it to her mother and not use it for stuff like diapers,clothes and food.  Tim defends this by saying if it ever goes to court it cannot be said he didn't try to give support.  While I defend him in his noble actions I personally would have stopped the minute I found out my money wasn't supporting the child on the grounds I was being played like a fool. (No, Tim, I am not calling you a fool.) Tim, by the way, is not listed as the father on the birth certificate. (Call Maury, Tim.)

Even though she makes $20 an hour and works at least 40 hours a week, the child is covered by ALL Kids, the "medicaid" for children in Alabama and refuses to let Tim have the child covered under his health coverage, which is probably better.

Tim does the best he can without creating drama or conflict. He is a man of principal and stands by his decision not to marry this woman but support his child. He wants a better life for his child. He, however, is constantly bombarded with how he doesn't support his daughter enough and need to give up more of his paycheck to be with her.

My opinion is that she is trying to punish Tim for not giver her what she wanted.  Baby Mama is a spoiled princess.

To The Truckers Who Tell Me they Don't Make Enough.

The one thing I will agree with all truckers on is that we are not paid near enough for what we have to put up with.  I'm sure that can be said about any profession but how many of you are sleeping in space tighter that your bathroom 2000 miles away from home wondering where the next load will take you and if you'll ever get home to a place where your family treats you like a total stranger.  I do indeed have sympathy for the plight of the fellow trucker.

On that note I have to flip the coin over and tell you that some of you deserve what you get.  I support your right to play the Cherry Master fake slot machines but don't complain about not being able to make ends meet. Yeah, I saw one driver put $120 into the machines in Indiana one time.  Don't buy Powerball tickets in every state that sells them and tell me you can't pay your cell phone bill.  You don't need all that chrome on your Peterbilt, Billy Bigrigger.  Do you have to eat at EVERY buffet at EVERY Petro truck stop on the way to California from New York?  At $15.99 you can find a better deal out there.  Buy some fruit and veggies at Walmart.

If you're spending money on "extracurricular activities" you don't deserve my sympathy. Now you run the risk of paying the ultimate price. I don't care how lonely you are.  Deal with it. It's a solitary lifestyle and don't complain.

If you thought trucking was going to be fun you were sadly mistaken. As far as your pay goes, you can either find a higher paying job or quit spending so much money.  Remember lot lizards are looking for lonely suckers like you to pay their "bills," too.

If You're Working At Mickey D's 

Why are you still there?  There are too many adults working at fast food joints these days.  I can understand if you're management or a franchise owner but McDonald's system should be so easy to follow that it is easy for a teenager to come in and fry up a burger.  I had an assistant manager who cold upsell an apple pie to 75% of the customers she waited on tell me that she couldn't do anything else.  If you can suggest an apple pie you can market a product or service.  There are sales jobs out there all the time.

I can promise you this, if you're part of the crowd demanding $15 and hour for fast food jobs you are not only part of the problem but your job will eventually be eliminated.  I saw the future and it involves a touch screen computer.  Jack In The Box has them already in Dallas. The McDonald's in Davenport, FL had one ten years ago. You are replaceable. Why not utilize McDonald's as a step up and go get some better marketable skills that can get you out of that rut?  You don't have to stay there.

If You're On Disability

Disability income has a set limit, period.  For all intents and purposes, this income is barely enough to live on your own.  How do I know?  I have been there.  My mother controlled my income at the time and I decided that enough was enough and went out and made more in a week that I could make in a month on SSI.  I felt better about being productive and contributing to the work force.  I got out of public housing and moved away from my hometown.  I turned myself around in two years.

I understand that there are real legit reasons people can't work but spend your time wisely and don't rot away into a self abuse of complaining about things and being idle with nothing to do.

The only other answer I have for your money woes is to find a way to make extra cash.  If you're creative you can.

Engineers Need Not Complain

While dropping gasoline at a station in Huntsville, I was approached by an engineer who took a little bit of an interest in what I was doing while he was helping his son repair his car.  I asked him what he did for a living and he told me he was an engineer for a defense contractor in town.  I said that was a great way to make lots and lots of money. This must have triggered the puke button because he told me that on his meager $150k salary he couldn't make ends meet and he never saw much of his paycheck due to cost incurred by his family including his son's hand-me-down car.

This is clearly a case of too much outgo and I have no sympathy for those who make 6-figure incomes and cannot be good stewards of their money.  If I made that kind of money I would invest wisely and save more.  There would be no BMW payments or fancy downtown restaurants. I can't imagine spending $500k on a house and making the mortgage payment that would give me a heart attack.

Quit complaining and get control of your finances!

5 Reasons Why People Hate Truckers - From A Driver's Perspective

I first acquired my CDL in 2001 after many weeks of frustration, guilt from my then wife, and hard work in a factory that I knew was taking me nowhere.... fast.  My dear father was a driver and a man whose skills I admired from the time I could climb into the cab by myself.  Those lessons I took to heart and used it as motivation out here on the road to be a better trucker to those around me.

Most truckers can tell you though it's a hard-fought battle keeping the shiny side up on your rig and your attitude bright especially when you spend most of your time behind the windshield, being cut off by rude four-wheelers and accosted by local and state law enforcement for the collection of revenue. The job is by no means an easy ticket to a paycheck and we don't have time to screw off.  We have to be on our game or shut the truck down.

I've only had a few incidences where my integrity and patience was tested.  I lost it a couple of times out here.  But I believe, from personal experience, that cooler heads prevail and maybe in time the general public will realize that WITHOUT TRUCKS AMERICA STOPS!

My observations over the years have taught me a few things about the trade (and, yes, it is a trade and a skill most people don't want to have or learn) and that's what helps me to be a better driver in the end. These aren't the only reasons but I know they rank up there.

1.) We are large, slow and take up a lot of space.

Most of the trucks out here weigh 80,000 pounds.  There is a lot of energy that is used to get moving.  There is a lot of force to stop us.  We can't climb hills like we want to but we have the horsepower to actually get it over the mountain top.  Imagine your car pulling 5 times it's own weight and there you have an idea of what it takes to get us moving.

The commuters of DFW who are hidden in their own little world behind the wheel often view us as a hindrance.  Maybe they should take the extra 15 minutes to get moving for the day.  Often times we get moving before most of you go to bed at night. We get up early so what's your excuse?

2.) Media coverage sensationalizes the negativity of the trucking industry.

I can assure you that most truckers are playing by the rules but some drivers and companies don't.  I want to see these people off the road as much as everyone else does but that doesn't mean we have to be grouped with the bad apples.  However, if you asked the media people how it is, we are all a bunch of pill-popping, lot-lizard-chasing, beer-swilling rednecks who do nothing more to get off on our negligence and running innocent bystanders and the general motoring public off the road.

Oh, and there is no such thing as a minor incident out here either.  If a truck wrecks the whole world knows it.  Most of the time it's not our fault but in everyone else's eyes there is always the trucker to blame. We will be reminded of it when the lawyers start calling.  (See Jim Adler, the Texas Hammer. I share this link not because I like this ambulance chaser but because he does nothing to help the plight of the truck driver and he promotes the point of view most truckers are negligent.)

3.) There is no real education out to the motoring public about how to share the road with trucks and other large vehicles.

If you have a teenager in driver's ed then you would hope this subject would be covered in his class but sadly, no, it usually doesn't.  Most driver's ed courses do not include even a basic overview of how to handle yourself around large vehicles. Many of us drivers wish they could include a day or two behind the wheel of a truck, even in a controlled environment, to get new drivers a feel for ALL types of vehicles and not just the sweet sixteen souped-up car or truck Daddy paid for as a gift for the ne'er-do-well's attendance in your worthless public school so you could be cool for your child's cliquish acquaintances that are so-called friends.

4.) It's viewed as slave labor and we are treated as such and we hate it.

And according to Federal Law it is.  Most people think that because we work 70 hours a week we get paid like we we put in 14 hours a day.  That's absolutely wrong.  Drivers paid an hourly rate are EXEMPTED from overtime provisions in Federal Labor Laws.  That means if I was paid an hourly rate of fifteen dollars an hour for 70 hours worth of work then I would make $1050 as opposed to the factory worker who makes 15 dollars an hour at the same 70 hours a week who would make $1275.  Guess who makes out better and gets to go home every night? We are certainly not paid what we are worth and our attitudes reflect that.

5.) Companies often don't care if you live or die and therefore we do what we have to do to survive.

We are being pushed constantly and treated as if we lie to the company every chance we get.  For every driver that quits five more suckers will take your place.  Some companies don't care if you run or not as long as you have satisfied their 14-day-out requirement. (Can you imagine how it feels being 14-days away from home at a time and only have 34 hours to spend at home with your family?) We run hard and have to make the most of the time out here. Sometimes we will not talk to you, acknowledge you, cut you off (unintentionally, of course) and yell at you for seemingly no apparent reason whatsoever.  We are under pressure to survive and our paychecks depend on the amount of miles we can get in factoring in for delays, traffic, load availability and hours of service among other things.

What can we all do to make it better?  Give a truck driver his space and let him do his thing.  Who knows? That may be the groceries that you need on that trailer.

7 Reasons to Be Your Own Boss

In 1997 I was travelling in the Memphis area and I sat down at a Chili's in Cordova, TN to have a drink or two.  Sitting at the bar, three sheets to the wind, was a young man about my age (I was 21 at the time) drinking the same top-shelf margaritas I was drinking.  The bartender told me what he did for a living and I inquired as to how he did it.

He got tired of the same old grind and decided it was time to do his own thing.  He talked to people he knew and got referrals and the next thing you know, he's got 2 full-time landscaping crews working the Memphis area.  I was impressed.

Then he told me something that still lingers in my mind to this day. "Just go out and do it," he said with a rising emphasis on the word "do."

So as I was thinking today while driving, it occurred to me that the young landscaper was still correct and I should go out and do it.

I have compiled my top ten reasons to be my own boss.

1.) You call the shots not someone else.

As I get older I have trouble taking orders from someone, especially someone who thinks they know what they are doing.  More often than not I hear stories of incompetent managers who are more concerned with being in charge instead of leading those in their employ.

2.) The money you make is making you richer and not someone else.

The people at the very top of their businesses have their hopes, goals, and dreams lined up in front of them and they WILL leverage their people to achieve them.

3.) Serious tax advantages.

Always consult a professional but there are a lot of things that can save you money on your taxes.

4.) You get to choose the people you work with.

Getting along with your people is a very important part of your work so why not surround yourself with people who support you and that you have chemistry with.

5.) You can follow your passion.

As an expert doing your own thing, you can share your passion and inspire others.  If you're doing what you love then it won't feel like work.

6.) You get to be a real leader and connect with people.

Everybody is going to look to you for guidance and you get to lead them. Not only that you can use your position to inspire people to become better.

7.) You get things done - FASTER.

Entrepreneurs do not like red tape as a whole and you can as a business owner bypass a lot of the red tape that many other businesses use to increase your output and get a desired result faster.

If you're reading this there is one more thing I have to tell you.  Just go out and do it.

Abstinence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder... And The Body Stay Clean

As I lingered in the patient room at CareNow in Fort Worth, I had to tell a nurse, whom I have met for the first time, about the act of indiscretion that landed me in her place of employment.  And I tell the story about how my ex, who shall be referred to as Becky, dropped a bombshell on me last week about how she had been tested positive for genital herpes and that I should be checked out, too.  As I am telling this to the nurse while trying to maintain a sense of humor about it all and not trying to call Becky a whore at the same time.

Did I mention I had a lingering sore throat, too? (Let's hope the two are not related. At least I don't have strep.)

My mind started to wander, as it always does in these situations, right into "where did I go wrong" or  "why is it I always have this kind of bad luck."  Can I not be with a woman and not have to deal with these types of issues?  I have had a couple of scares in the past but not with something penicillin won't cure.  

Honestly, this is where the rubber meets the road.  The first thing I had to admit, somewhat publicly I might add, is that I had sex, I had sex with a carrier of a virus that won't go away. I am imagining the Valtrex commercial and how people seem to be happy living with genital herpes except that won't be me.  No, I'm too busy beating myself up for not having the discipline to say no to someone who I had some very obvious questions about in the first place.  I knew the risk and took it anyway and it makes me no better than her in the end.

The second thing is possible treatment.  Again, I'm imagining the Valtrex commercial and how they say 70% of people with genital herpes get it from their partner when there were no obvious signs and symptoms.  However, there is Valtrex.  Now I am thinking and have to plan on more doctor visits and more in co-pays on my insurance. Fortunately I have an employer that can help me with this on a Cafeteria Plan and I won't have to pay taxes on that money.

The third thing was bringing this up to the redhead, who surprisingly took it well.  She acknowledges that it can be treated with medication and we will be able to deal with it but the guilt I have for exposing the love of my life to this is a little overwhelming.  The last thing I want to do is harm another human being through my actions and especially in this way.

So... there I am sitting in the patient room... What next?  It's the waiting for the test results in a few days.  

You know, kids, there is something to be said for abstinence.  It works 100% every time it's tried.

What Happens In Bama Makes You Want To Move To Texas

Boss: I'm so glad I have a driver like you.

Me: Thanks, Boss. What made you say that?

Boss: You don't screw things up.

Me: Isn't that what we're SUPPOSED to do.

Boss: You know how drivers are...

Me: I don't know but tell me, please.

Boss: [SILENT]

Me: Boss, have you considered what it would be like if I wasn't around?

Boss: Oh, come on!!! You'll never leave here.

Me: We'll see about that. [WINK]

   This was a conversation I had with my boss in 2013.  By this point I had spent almost 3 years with a local outfit in Huntsville, AL.  I wasn't just driving.  I was spending one day a week in the office helping with regulatory and office-related functions such as truck maintenance records, driver daily logs, recovering load paperwork and training.  The Big Fuzzy Roadman was the go-to guy for all your latest trucking and fuel hauling knowledge.  This was as lovely as watching a funeral procession slowly pass through town.

Friend: Hey! What's up?

Me: Not much. You?

Friend: I was wondering if you could help me out?

Me: [ROLLS EYES] How much is this going to cost me?

   This conversation usually happened when a broke friend needed money. One in particular made it look like I was his personal ATM until I cut him off.  Nobody ever seemed to have the means to pay their bills much less pay me back. Often times I would 'gift' them the money. I knew many of them couldn't pay me back.  The most disappointing thing was their lack of effort.

Female: My boyfriend treats me like crap.

Me: We've had this conversation before.  If it's that bad why don't you leave him?

Female: I don't know.  I love him and all but every time I think he has to go I think that I am going to be lonely and my kids will miss him and my bed will be empty and I can't pay my own bills without him.

Me: I guess you love him enough for him to pull his crap on you.

     This was a normal conversation with female friends.  What makes it worse is that most of these women wouldn't know a good guy if they met one.  Nice guys weren't a wanted commodity.  They were talked about like they were but the buttholes always made their way to first place.  I was used to this.  Maybe it was time to look for another pool of available, intelligent women wanting to actually be in a real relationship with a real man willing to treat them like a lady.  It wore on me to see codependent women keep on being codependent.  They must have liked it, I guess.

Engineer: Hey there, Mr. Gas Hauler!  How does it feel to drive around a bomb?

Me: I noticed you work for NASA.  How does it feel to work for a government department that is having funding cut?  Too bad the current administration doesn't support you dream of being an astronaut.

   Engineers always seemed to have the upper hand in North Alabama.  Huntsville has the most PhD's per capita that any other major city in Alabama. They made more money and changed the face of the city. For as much as they broadened the city's demographic, they often looked down on others as if they were royalty.  It makes me glad I dropped out of school and didn't become one myself.

Family Member: Hey!!! Long time no see!

Me: I cant remember when I last saw you.

Family:  Well, if you'd stick around longer people might actually get to know you.  Heck, if you'd come to church and watch a football game with us we'd like you more.  Too bad you prefer to ride the highways like a gypsy.

Me: Well, I'm too busy living my own life to let anyone else own it.

     The problem with many of my extended family members is that they were way too self-absorbed for my liking.  If you didn't like the same things as they did or go to the same church then you didn't fit in. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't follow conversations on family gossip.  They let their imaginations run wild when I left out details of my life such as the real reason I became a truck driver, making money and taking care of a home.

Alabama Football Fan: Hey! ROLL TIDE!!!

Me: [SIGHS IN DISGUST]

     I know how many Bama Football fans there are.  They are everywhere.  They were their colors, crimson and white.  They shout their war call, ROLL TIDE!  They are arrogant. They are disgusting.  And they worship a dead football coach.  As many of them are awaiting the second coming of Jesus, they also await the day, during the Iron Bowl, that the great Paul W. 'Bear' Bryant will descend from heaven and take over coaching duties as only he could.  Bama fans everywhere will kneel as the Bear will charge one more time to defeat Auburn and put them down never to be seen again.

     I know that some you still live in Sweet Home Alabama and I do miss some things but I no longer experience the same nonsense that brings me down anymore.  To my Bama friends, best of luck.

The Hardest Part of Living With Someone

Dad died in 2009.  If you knew him you'd never forget him.  He had no problem meeting a stranger and no one would stay a stranger for long.  He flirted with the ladies, much to Mom's disdain.  Dad left a positive impression on everyone he met.  He worked hard and played even harder.  Dad once said he wanted to retire to a place where beautiful women were waiting on him hand and foot all the time.  You got to hand it to him, there were some beautiful nurses in the nursing home where he spent the last three years of his life.

Mom died in 2013. She spent much of her time isolated and never went out much as my little brother and I were growing up.  She couldn't drive and hated public transportation.  Her biggest ambition in life was to get a disability check. She hardly had any friends and of those friends, she had she milked those friendships to death and ultimately ran all of her friends off.  Her last three years on this planet were in what she called a hellhole, a nursing home in Lexington, TN, where the staff went out of their way to treat her like a human being instead of another patient waiting to die in those halls.

Comparatively speaking Dad and Mom were like oil and water.  As I grew older I failed to see what he saw in her.  Mom was very, very demanding.  Even though Dad drove for a living he also drove as Mom's personal chauffeur. Mom couldn't do anything on her own and always cited Dad as the reason she couldn't.  Dad, on the other hand, never questioned anything and always faithfully executed his duties without fail, that is until he could not drive anymore.

Dad never complained though.  Mom complained all the time.

Once I was talking with Dad while he was in the nursing home.  He started to look better.  Mom noticed and asked me if I would have a word with him about going home because, of course, she sure did miss having him around.

As I approached Dad with this a stern look of disgust landed on his face as he told me emphatically, 'No! I don't want to go home!'  

'Ok, Pop. I can respect that but can you tell me why?'

'Your momma will drive me crazy!'

So the truth comes out.  Dad not only get his beautiful women but he also managed his escape from his crazy life with Mom.  

Way to go, Dad!

By the way, I still miss you.

Howard Berryman, Sr. 1936-2009

Eating Pie

   Some days it's just hard to focus on the hopes, the dreams, and all the good things that keep you motivated to strive for something better in your own life. It's not always easy hearing how professionally dressed people walked out on paying their restaurant tab from my fiance, or the old ladies who can only afford propane one month at a time. This might be hard to hear, but if anyone stops trying then the battle is truly lost.
   While wandering on Facebook I found this quote, "Everybody says that they're trying to get their piece of the pie. They don't realize that the world is a kitchen. They can make their own pie." -Terry Crews. This completely displays original American optimism, that if we ever lose our creative motivation then we will stop making our own pie. I like my pie and I like to eat it too, but it also means I have to get up off my rear and make my own pie everyday.
   We currently live in a world where we are told that 40% of the American population supports 60% of the population. This could also be an indicator of how many people have lost hope, stopped trying, stopped creating, stopped looking, stopped making pie in the own kitchens figuratively speaking. Don't know about you, but I get up when it is dark out and go to bed when it is dark out and work a full day in-between, that is a lot of humble pie. Time to start cooking America, if you don't cook you don't eat.

Cheatin' Like In A Country Song

     "Well how do I know, I'm not there with you," this is a common complaint among women today and a few men. People are never sure of what their beloved, other half, girlfriend, boyfriend, lover, or romantic acquaintance is doing behind or in front of their backs. There is a more common story about the guy who went to war and came back to a girl who is no longer his fiance but had married someone else. This theme was popular in 1920's movies, now it seems to be much more fashionable to go on Craigslist and make new friends who all believe in time that they are each your fiance or romantic attachment. This is true for guys and girls, but it is not any less shameful when a person needs their friends to become their own private investigators so when your fiance gets tired of you and doesn't have the guts to break up with you before they go and find new fiances to string along.

   As much as I would like to require that every human being wear an ankle tracking device, this will not solve the problem of 'cheatin' achy-breaky hearts while all my exes live in Texas'. How can real relationships be formed if the sneaky people won't stop treating the hopeful people like chew toys because they are bored? Or is any relationship really safe if one person is always suspicious without reason and the other person works like a dog trying to be transparent and honest, and the suspicious one is usually the guilty one who is running around all over town. 

   This is usually the point on Dr. Phil, Oprah, or Jerry Springer where each side starts yelling and pointing fingers at the other while blasting profanity, accusations, and a lot of whiny crying. Each side is so perfect in their kind of wrong that the watcher stops caring who is right or wrong because truth is only in the eye of the beholder. It's kind of funny that's it's only after you start 'seeing someone' that they think that they have to hold you accountable of where you have been, who you talk to, and fact checking all of your stories while checking your cell phone. Then if you can still tolerate this juvenile behavior they start the same censorship of your credit cards, bills, and paycheck. What trust is there in that? Why all of this guilt-induced nagging? Bad behaviors are a sign of bad habits, and these should be fixed. 

   You meet someone, they want to get really personal really fast, as if it is their life's goal to own you, I think people call this being wanted. Then you get drugged on the feeling of being wanted and ignore all the other crazy manipulative crap that goes on because you are wanted....I mean owned by another person. Usually the owning type is a life time collector of other people's lonely hearts, then the relationship gets even more personal and emotionally abusive with your credit card history thrown in. This is no better than a self inflicted cycle of abuse, and you were conned by a soul collector who saw you coming a mile away. 

   A long time acquaintance of mine had a son who was a civilian special ops contractor, he found a sweet girl, then he was shipped out to Afghanistan for six months. When he got back, his fiance had a different fiance and two other boyfriends that she had found online. This poor boy thought love was somewhere in the equation of his life, instead he was conned by a soul collector with a pretty face and body. Then there was my own ex-wife who constantly claimed she couldn't prove I wasn't cheating because she was not with me 24 hours a day, and in the end I found out that she was the one sleeping with anything that would move while I driving the truck across country. This was not true love, because true love does not hurt others on purpose. There is that part of your soul that wants to feel something other than the freedom of the open road, and even if it's hurtful and negative always seems better than feeling nothing at all. Be smarter than this.

     Stay in school, do your home work, so when your friends find things out of where your sweet heart has been, the conversation will never bring up Craigslist.

No Rest For The Self Inflicted

     It is commonly understood that if you are tired then you should sleep. Yet even from a young we constantly fight the urge to stop, lay down, rest, then fall into actual sleep. Mother's across America will tell you, "He/she didn't have their nap today and they woke up at 4 o'clock in the morning, they're just tired. That's why they look miserable and are crying on and off uncontrollably," as you look at the mother who wants to act the same way her child is from her own sleep loss.
     Then you have the hard working adult who 'just wants one more minute' they tell themselves, for those few extra miles, for that last finishing touch on a craft project, for that last part of a TV program, for whatever those last few moments are for to stop us from letting go and getting the much needed rest.
     Many truck drivers have been know to drive illegally for 20 hours straight, this means that they are willing to ignore the laws that protect their sleep and safety. The same can be said for crafters and mothers a like who are finishing Christmas pageant costumes, cupcakes for a class bake sale, and any general illness that claims to only last for '24 hours' per family member. These are some of the simple things that we do or can't avoid to post pone sleep for the self inflicted.
     We live in a culture that is so sleep deprived with Starbucks, Dunkin Donuts, and Seven 11's that real rest is no longer valued. It's really hard to give a damn when you are too tired to smell the roses, and coffee really can burn out your taste buds so a steak will never taste the same again. What else are you willing to miss out on because so many pieces of yourself are too tired to enjoy them from your self inflicted lack of rest?
     We have become a culture of sleep apnea and obsession with instant gratification and ignoring our personal needs. Ever make a list of all the things you are too tired to do? This does not include joining a gym, going for daily walks, or eating healthier. This means doing things with other people, going places to be with other humans, and screwing your better half every night. They say that the evidence is in the details, and screwing is such an interesting detail to have in your life. Now get back on your treadmill, you need just one more minute on that computer, just one more minute with your hot glue gun, just one more minute......Zzzzzzzz

Go Big or Go Home

 

     There are days when I need to be reminded of who I really am, almost like a self pep talk into feeling a foundation under my feet and washing my spirit with that memorable hope that has been erased by the distractions of life. My job is very demanding, like anyone else I love it because they treat me well, but there are days when I put my head down and launch into a memorized cycle of no return. It is when my heart is stuck in a place of not finding it's happiness, while my head and body are out making money to please my boss. In this instance my heart is not my boss, instead it is a guy I will call Phil, my soul is a comma patient, and brain is on a mission for Fair Trade Propane.

   This is not a rant or rave against Fair Trade Propane or Phil, like I said I appreciate my job because they treat me so well and I show them my gratitude regularly. However, like any other hard working American who works at least ten hours or more a day every day, there is a tendency to forget that once upon a time you had goals and dreams that were not work related. You forget about wanting to have hobbies, you forget about being interested in other subjects that will let you learn about non-job related things, you forget about what you were and who you really are.

   After meeting my red head and starting to have something similar to a social life, her response to so many things was 'go big or go home'. At first it was funny, at the Chinese Buffet I was challenged to get that 5th plate of food, her response to this dilemma was 'go big or go home' so I got the extra plate. Then as we started to talk about business plans, the stock market, marketing strategies, and ideas that would take a lot of long term planning and extra hours at home that my job does not allow for; her response was 'go big or go home'. This was a challenge that I was really starting to take to heart. 

   What was something I felt big about and wasn't all talk and no action. My job would not always be this busy, I would be able to slow down in three more months if I was hopeful and patient. But what things was I willing to call my own again that I was willing to fight for and keep in my life? What things did I feel that I should go big with or leave at home for a future review. I know that I am your friendly neighborhood propane delivery man, but what else am I? I needed to know that my beer gut was not the only big thing in my life that would stick around for a while that was serious part of me, there had to be more to me than a smile and a beer gut. 

   Then the red head explained to me why she always used the slogan that she did, "Well a long time ago it made sense that 'going big' meant showing love to world in ways it did not understand. Or being the bigger person was not a size thing but a 'not make the world a worse place' thing. So when she used her usual expression, she simply meant that by 'going big' you improve the world and don't let hurt you or itself. What she meant by 'or go home', this is when you recharge your batteries to fight another day and the devil can't win. 

   "Those with the biggest hearts always go big because they don't limit their capacity to love....then you get a different version of the energizer bunny," then the red head told me that size of my heart was one of the reasons she knows that she can emotionally connect with me, I am a fixer-upper, but I am her fixer-upper and that we really need to go home because she can't eat any more at the Chinese Buffet. Her pants don't fit any more so it is time to leave. I quickly find myself again and ask for the check....since I know what dessert is.